Oh, Fairest of the Fair, how my heart longs for thee! One glance and my swoon-laden thrills you have incited. If I were but granted one touch {one, my soul doth rally}, to satiate my thirst -- satisfaction seems to sum in such a desire.
Let it resolve; my physical state to soar in the heavens --
Let it resolve; my mind to wander those antiquated streets --
Let it resolve; my metaphysical form to float along gently with the tranquil flow.
As You will, Almighty, shall it be.
My will resides in Italy.
*thrills thou hast incited.
ReplyDelete*as thou wilt
not 'you have incited.'
not 'as you will'
Explanation: in EME (i.e. Early Modern English, the language of Shakespeare and KJV) thou/thee equates to our second person pronoun 'you' singular and ye/you is the same thing only plural. You started the poem addressing a person with 'thee' (i.e. thou/thee) the second person singular and later address the same person incorrectly with the object case (i.e. you) of 'ye' the plural. A single person should be addressed with the singular second person pronoun: thou/thee. Unless you aim to be like e.e cummings who ignores many of the rules of the English language you might desire to consider the change.
P.S. whatever you decide the poem is still quite good.